Waffle House Drinking Game

by Benjamin L. Combee

December 1992 with updates October 1995

'Ello. In my ongoing humor projects, I've decided to create a Waffle House Drinking Game. As the game does revolve around Waffle House and its clones, the beverage of choice is coffee. So far, I've gotten two versions.

1) Simple (especially popular at UGA)

1. Go to Waffle House
2. Order coffee
3. Drink coffee
4. Refill coffee cup
5. Repeat

Unfortunately the simple version doesn't have much depth, and winning seems a little difficult. Therefore, I've started a more complex version.

2) Complex (good for imaginary evenings out)

There are two parts to the COMPLEX WHDG. First, you must set the initial point target. Then you must try to drink cups of coffee to reach the target.

To find the initial target, follow these rules.

• If you are in a true Waffle House, start at four points.
• If you are in a Waffle House clone like IHOP, Huddle House, Koffee Kettle, or Stuckey's, start at two points.
• For every local police officer in the restaurant, add one point.
• For every state or federal police officer (FBI included), add two points.
• For every Secret Service agent, add three points.
• If your waitron is male, add two points.
• If the restaurant has a view of an interstate highway, add a point for every one visible.
• If you are sitting at the bar, add one point.
• For every card game, add two points.

After you have your initial target, you then must drink a number of cups of coffee to match the target on the following scale.

• Black coffee - one point
• Coffee with sugar - 2/3 point
• Coffee with cream - 2/3 point
• Coffee with sugar and cream - 1/2 point
• Hot Tea - 2/3 point
• Iced Tea - 1/3 point
• Carbonated beverage - 1/3 point
• Milk - 1/3 point
• Orange Juice - 1/2 point

You may also add points to your score for the following events

• Car pulls into the restaurant parking lot - 1/3 point
• Shift change - 2 points
• Someone receives a message over a portable radio - 1 point
• Waitron asks how long you are going to be here - 1 point

This is a work in progress. If you have suggestions, please send me e-mail at combee@techwood.org.

Update: Austin has no Waffle Houses! And they call this civilization!